With less than 7 days left before Christmas, I hit my my wall of panic today that wants to hurry up and get EVERYTHING done so I can just relax and take in all the love and good stuff during the holidays.
Funny how my story involves speeding up and getting busier to slow down so I can schedule being fully present.
I am making lists I can’t keep track of and learning that no amount of writing or awareness has prevented this panic moment from showing up — kinda like the Grinch Who Stole Christmas.
To be clear, a lot of what I’m experiencing IS excitement around giving to those I love in my life – even the ones that trigger the hell out of me (and apparently, in light of my last post, I love them the most for the “gifts” they give me).
However, there is fear in there too, that sounds like…
Have I forgotten anyone?
Have I missed something?
Have I done enough?
Have I got it all covered?
In writing this, I realize that I am carrying on a family tradition. Every year my Mom has nightmares she forgets to buy or wrap our gifts, or the dinner isn’t bought or cooked and so on.
The underlying belief of my story implies that it’s all up to me and that I am responsible for it all. So much pressure. So little room for mistakes. Wow. What a crock of shit. And yet, if I hadn’t slowed down to listen and write this, I may have continued to believe it and carry out the madness!
I’m taking this as my opportunity to get blow that shite up. So, what IF I forget a gift a card or everything goes to shit? What would happen?
Nothing. That’s what.
Worse case scenario, I apologize or admit I forgot something and the people I’m doing this to, don’t even care. They really don’t.
If I go inside to the part of me that KNOWS the truth, it clearly speaks that no matter what gets effed-up or forgotten, this isn’t what the season – or LIVING – is about. It IS about the simplicity of being with people we “love-hate” and seeing what’s possible when we get into close proximity to each other to do our best and love each other the only way we know how.
It’s not suppose to be perfect. In fact, I’m pretty sure it’s suppose to be messed up.
Because where’s the fun in perfect? Where would our funny post-holiday stories come from?!!
So if you are experiencing any of the above, take a breath and know you are not alone 🙂 That no matter what happens – none of what your storyteller is saying is true. Love your kids, love your people as best you can and most importantly – love yourself amidst the noise, the shiny baubles and distracting lights.
And just because he is so freaking adorable, intelligent and funny – here’s a perfect “pre-game” PEP TALK from the Kid President to keep it all in perspective.
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