So one of the things I’m practicing in my journey to a bigger life is telling that shitty voice in my head who lists all the reasons why I shouldn’t or couldn’t do something … to shut the hell up. So, after my original post talking about getting back into fighting shape, a friend on Facebook suggested I join her for the 6:15 class at the new spinning gym, Spinergy Fitness in Steveston Village on Wednesday.

“Haha..(said the voice in my head), You? Spin? Nope, that’s for the fit mom’s with high ponytails and tight butts. Not you. You’ll hurt yourself for sure.”

So, to spite the little bugger, I quickly wrote her back “Count me in!”

The more I thought about it, the more I truly worried that I might actually hurt myself – and this wasn’t anyone’s voice but my own talking now. People… I am REALLY out of shape. And I’m not a person with low self-esteem. I like myself… aloh! So much that I really didn’t want to hurt my awesome self. I am a realist. Last time I even semi-regularly worked out was  five years ago and even then it was a burst of 6 months and then I was done with it.And FYI, during one of those boot camp-type sessions I put my back out so bad that I was laid up for a week!

Then I said to myself “Just shut up and let’s do this.” (hence the title on this blog – I say this a lot now)

I called up Spinergy and spoke with one of their people who assured me I would NOT hurt myself. That I was in control of how hard I pushed myself and the tension on the bike. They were very understanding of my newbie concerns and encouraged me to give it a try. OK. Due diligence complete.

To make this happen I had to wake up at 5AM to pump so hubby could feed Beau, our four month old, if he woke up before I got back. Once I was up and moving it really wasn’t that bad. Next thing I know I was ready and heading out the door. When I arrived, said friend pulled right up after and I was officially doing this.

After signing the standard ‘Please don’t sue us if you die whilst spinning’  forms, I met one of the owners and primary instructor, Shannon Marshall and her trusty sidekick, Matt, who was working the computer behind the sign in desk – both VERY nice and super welcoming. I began to feel at ease.

How do I explain what happened over the following 50 mins? Well first, it’s true that the seats hurt your butt and although at times mine was screaming for mercy, there were good chunks of time where I was so focused on what I was being asked to do by Shannon  (over some of the most motivating ass-kicking tracks, ever) that the discomfort faded away and wasn’t an issue – I was actually doing it. I was spinning for crack’s sake! And although I was somewhat distracted by the excess bits of my body giggling and shaking with every pedal, instead of feeling defeated at this shitty reminder of how big my body has become or self-conscious, I heard myself shouting at it from a very powerful place, saying “Get. The. Feck. OFF! Get off! Get off!!!”

This made me laugh thinking about it after. What a refreshing perspective. I liked it.

What was the best and most surprising part? Early into the ride when we were just warming up she told us to close our eyes, get into the music and find our zone and just give it whatever we had. Next thing I knew, the gym disappeared and I was transformed to the road with the wind blowing in my face (strategic fans) and it all became a bit more do-able. I found whenever I opened my eyes, I was distracted and less motivated. There was something very zen-like in the way Shannon guided the group with her voice over the music – not a Drill Sargent (which is what I expected) but assertive, supportive, inspiring and also seemed to say all the things I needed to hear as I puffed and panted my way along. It reminded me at times of yoga with a very internal focus, listening to my body and overcoming that internal mental struggle to push myself up the hill much like trying to hold a difficult yoga move. And then we’d get permission to release the tension and the sweet relief of gliding down a steep hill with the wind in my face was intoxicating. I got it. People love this workout because its incredibly efficient and that’s just what I need. Show up, sweat your face off and get out. I’d like to add it to my cardio efforts at least once a week in combination to the Couch to 5K running program. Gotta love a plan.

To walk into my house after a really great sweat and see my husband feeding our baby and 3 year old, Denny happily playing and greeting me with a huge hug – I couldn’t help feel a huge sense of accomplishment. I did it and I CAN do this. Awesome.

And not only did I do it WITHOUT hurting myself it was a great way to start to my day and I’m still smiling. Although Shannon tweeted me later to say I may not be smiling tomorrow.

Oh shit.