Part 1: Daring to be me, unapologetically

My story really began at the age of eight when I sat my parents down, opened my mouth and threw a grenade into the centre of my family. Someone we loved and trusted had sexually abused me. 

What unfolded next would become the foundation of every pivotal moment in my life.

Even in their devastation they believed me. I was lucky. They heard me, saw me and even offered the chance for me to confront him in absolute safety and support. 

At eight years old, I dared to open my mouth again to tell a grown man whose literal job was to serve and protect how he had ruined everything. 

I spoke from my innocence and vulnerability and he crumbled in my presence. In that moment I discovered a power I’d never known. To be real, and true in myself was powerful. This power didn’t serve to hurt. It served to love and restore order from the chaos. It transmuted hurt into healing. 

Also true, I grew up in a loving home that involved alcoholism, guilt, obligation, codependency, narcissism, taking on roles that weren’t mine, and sacrificing my own needs for the comfort of others.

Instead of listening to my instincts (which weren’t that loud anyway), I chose the path of least resistance with “what SHOULD I do” guiding the way and ended up with what I thought I wanted – the good job, good money, good house, good car, good husband, good pregnancy…. You know, the cardboard cutout Life.

My life, relationships and work suddenly felt small and suffocating. With overwhelming suffering, I wondered how to change something I couldn’t even articulate? And where would I even start? I was so focused on the HOW without even naming the WHAT I was holding.

How could I even speak it? I’d made such a mess and didn’t know where to start, let alone ADMIT to myself what I sensed. So I waited. Hoping it would just change on it’s own.

Part 2: Clearing my path (amidst the WTFs)

It was no surprise that at the age of 18, I left home in Canada and found myself completely isolated, in a toxic, codependent, emotionally abusive relationship with a narcissist in Manchester, England. 

It took me seven years to leave, return home and rebuild a life from empty shelves. It was then I got serious about healing myself and began the inner journey of redesigning my life and relationships that would become the basis for my signature program, Daring to Suck. 

Through examining “the mess” my inner eight year old helped renew an old agreement with myself that took things up a notch: Any time I feel compromised, I’ll speak up.

When I began online dating it was put to the test when an Australian guy thought it would be funny to insult me, poke fun at my job and more. With a flushed face, pounding heart and what felt like an oversized golf ball stuck in my throat, I LET HIM HAVE IT.

Not today Satan.

For the second time in my life I let myself be brutally honest (and even a bit mean lol). I hit reply and released the hounds. No holds barred. It was messy, felt a tad reckless and also… exhilarating.  Seconds after hitting send, order was restored throughout my body. 

Strutting around my office with finger guns “pew pewing” I’d crossed a threshold I’d always feared and survived. I was a woman liberated in mid fist pump, when suddenly I heard a disarming “You’ve got mail.” 

(Oh, shit….)

His immediate reply: “I think I’m going to like our little chats lol ;-).” 

(WTF?!)

That moment sparked a “full spectrum” friendship built on total respect and honesty that evolved into us dating for seven years.

Lesson: Let real lead the way to find your flow.

During this time I went back to fulfill my dream of getting my degree in entrepreneurial management, moved to Washington DC for a marketing internship and built a whole new life with Scott as a couple for two years. 

Mostly, life was good, but my bosses were arrogant, privileged, abusive and cruel. The day came when I just couldn’t stay quiet. 

In speaking up for my work coworkers, I quit in a blaze of glory (similar to the email I’d sent Scott lol) not realizing that telling my bosses to “shove it” would void my work visa and force us to move to Vancouver and start all over again.

It was back in Canada I began my climb in the corporate world, Scott returned to school to follow his dream, I made the money, got the title, a swish office, we bought a house and then – got married! 

To top it off, during our dream honeymoon in Australia, I galloped down Cape Tribulation on horseback and felt the energy of my Soul radiate through every cell of my being. With the wind in my hair and joy pulsing through my veins, something profound had occurred that I couldn’t name.

Lesson: With every expansion, comes contraction – and contraction doesn’t f*ck around. 

The moment I stepped back into our “new” life in Vancouver, everything (outside of our marriage) felt “off”, like nothing fit anymore. All the things I once wanted, I didn’t. I felt trapped, wrong and lost in myself, essentially rejecting the ideal life I’d worked so hard to create. 

WTF.

I waited, I walked, I tried to journal and practiced gratitude with desperation but nothing shifted the weight on my chest. I even drove three hours to see a psychic and spent the hour crying which told me I needed therapy more. 

When that didn’t work, I was at a loss.

Three months later and no closer to untangling the twisted ball of yarn of my life –  we found out I was pregnant. What should have been a joyfully maternal moment became a massive identity crisis, feeling the tidal wave of sacrifice that is motherhood come for me before I even had a chance to know who I really was. I grieved, felt shame for my own truth and finally surrendered to the experience. 

Just when I found my footing to embrace this new chapter wholeheartedly, feeling the first stirrings of authentic joy – I miscarried the day after we told all of our friends and family.

WTF. 

Lesson: Death and rebirth are often hard to separate.

To say it took everything I had to recover mentally, emotionally and physically from the clusterfuck of events and trauma endured was an understatement. 

Whether it was holding a bouquet of flowers in my arms where a baby would have been or hearing music in the grocery store line dismantling my composure, it didn’t take much to set me off. 

I was a turducken of grief and no longer trusted myself to function in society. 

After ruining a movie date with a friend from the emotional tug-o-war happening inside me, I went home and sat myself down to declare I was done. I needed something tangible to stop the internal shouting match so I sat down in protest and demanded something to come. 

Next thing I knew I felt something say “get a pen, your journal and do this…”. The instructions that followed were clear and specific, so, with very little fight left, I listened and followed it’s lead to see what might happen. 

With very little awareness of my own intuition I didn’t realize something  was teaching me a process to “be with” the rubble of my life, heal my broken heart and reconnect my wounded parts with respect and compassion. 

After one “session”, I received a peace and connection with myself that was unshakable.  

Lesson: I am more than my situation or circumstance. I am resourceful, creative and hold the wisdom to heal if I open up to it.

(*It was a decade later I learned I had been taught something eerily similar to Internal Family Systems, a proven practice to heal trauma and restore emotional balance.)

Even with my corporate career hanging by a thread, I began to rebuild my Self from this unshakable awareness, knowing and trusting what I was capable of. When we found out we were pregnant again, we celebrated immediately, unapologetically telling every human we knew over that weekend. 

The following Monday, I lost my job — our only source of income at the time with no severance — and over $100K of borrowed and invested money gone in the stock market crash overnight. 

I was a walking paradox grieving every ounce of identity, security and status I’d built over a decade slip through my fingers and at the same time unable to deny the abundant joy I finally felt with the growing life happening inside of me. 

WTF. I surrendered again. This time fully aware life was changing me, again. And it SUCKED.

Lesson: Conflicting truths can and do exist equally under the same roof.

Part 4: Walking my path, my way 

In 2019, my husband and I were confronted by all sides of our life that something big was coming – something needed to change and fast. Our home was in disrepair and it felt like life was daring us to make a big move. After some family soul-searching we take the leap and do  something we’d always dreamed of… we pulled the boys from school and sold most of our belongings (including our home of 13 years) to leap into the unknown and travel the world only to see what might happen! 

Our journey took us up the  historic east coast of the United States showing our boys the best of DC, Boston, Philadelphia and New York City at Christmas time). We received an invitation to spend the holidays with family and stayed two months living in a 100 year old cottage homeschooling our boys, visiting ancient stone circles, historic castles and soaked in the wisdom of our ancestors. 

We continued east visiting friends in the Isle of Man stopping in Manchester, London and on a whim flew to Morocco for an all inclusive “vacation” when the global pandemic hit and borders closed overnight. 

WTF. 

Once we overcame the initial drama, trauma and chaos of our resort shutting down we ended up stranded on a dusty road in the middle of Marrakech with our bags, no cell service and no place to go.

But miracles happen and by the grace of God we were delivered to safety… only for Scott to get sick and spend three long weeks recovering from a virus we knew so little about. 

It was one of the hardest times we’ve ever been through. 

I’ll hand it to life – we definitely didn’t see that coming. 

And we surrendered, survived and then … we thrived. 

I got creative, resourceful and listened to my gut and joined online expat communities and began to coach English speaking locals and Moroccans for free to just help anyone who needed it. I made fast friends, took Darijian lessons, and watched miracle workers come out of the woodwork to help us assimilate as best we could. It was magical how things came together.

We baked bread, celebrated our birthdays, walked the golf course when it wasn’t 120 degrees outside and rescued a street pup and named her Betty (after my feisty Grandma). Once the King allowed residents to leave our homes without a permit and lifted military checkpoints (yes you read that right) , we were invited to move into the most incredible Moroccan Riad in the heart of the most ancient part of Marrakech. 

After five months we were given a limited window to return to Canada, where we got to see Paris and Germany on the way back which was a blessing we will never forget. 

We’ve been living in a basement suite in the beautiful west coast of Vancouver Island waiting for this bizarre storm to clear ever since, lol. 

But the journey is far from over. 

Life is an incredible process and less about destinations. It’s about experiencing life, not punishment and reward – and just when you think you know something, you don’t know shit. 

It wants us to be open to it’s messages, to embrace not knowing to make room for surprises that want to guide us into places and spaces we are destined to be. 

To open up to the magic of being here for the full experience.

It takes trust in yourself, having faith in the process and knowing you are a force of creativity and a resource of ideas, inspiration, intuition and emotion here to experience and be experienced. 

You are here to have an impact and deserve to live fully – not just exist.

After all I’ve learned I now make decisions in harmony with my whole self, grounded in respect and blurting my truth as I go. I have grown a business that is aligned with my soul and here to serve exactly how I’m meant to. I radically accept what arises and where it wants to lead me. 

I trust life.

Life, Love and Loss have provided me with a profound understanding of a much bigger picture that I get to offer as you relate to the core of your inner struggles and tangled knots in a new way; to free the energy and emotions that keep you bound to receive the unique guidance in you to walk your path your way – with clarity, confidence and courage. 

For more of the HOW I help, keep reading…

The Daring to Suck Method arose from every tear-down and rebuild along the way to create a confident foundation, with tools that create flow and freedom to be human as you heal and live your fullest life possible. They include the following parts and steps: 

And, to always,

Bless the mess and trust the process.

My credentials:

My trauma-informed training and intuitive modalities help you restore harmony and regulate your healing nervous system so you can redesign your life, relationships, and future from a foundation of wholeness.

Methods and Training I draw from include:

• Certified in Co-Active™ Professional Coaching 
• Somatic Experiencing™  to explore and embody the underlying physical sensations to increase mind-body balance. 
• Compassionate Inquiry™ to reveal the unconscious dynamics that run your life so you can free yourself from them.
• Internal Family Systems™ (IFS) to safely explore wounded parts that create blocks in your life, so you can restore clarity and find emotional balance. 
• Crystalline Consciousness Techniques™ (CCT), an energy healing therapy that relieves your electromagnetic field to release your trauma response so you can create consciously connected change in your life…