There’s nothing more dangerous than throwing spaghetti at the wall to see what sticks (and call it a decision making process). And yet that’s what a lot of us do when we’ve had a few hard falls.
How do you make decisions?
For me, in the past making decisions meant trying a variety of strategies to gain clarity that included things like the classic “pro/con” list, polling others, trust my gut, go with the flow or take the stance that “its all good no matter what ~ the Universe has my back” or even flipping a coin. Hell, I’ve thrown caution to the wind, grabbed my faith and leapt into Life expecting it to catch me .. only for it to step aside and have me slam face first onto a sticky dance floor.
The Unknown Damage
These approaches (albeit some rooted in good intentions) left me with limiting thoughts and unhealthy perspectives that left a residue of doubt on my heart and soul as to whether I could be trusted to make decisions and choices I could rely on. And these ghosts don’t go away with time.
These moments leave negative imprints and impressions that stick with some us for a lifetime (a.k.a how emotional baggage is created) and they collected like doubt-dust bunnies in the corners of our heart – reminders of disappointments and misjudgements that only served to haunt us every time we “try again” and stick our neck out to take a risk or make a decision that might impact the rest of our life.
This is where indecision makes us feel weak, induces anxiety and a slurry of hellish feelings.
Here are some common examples of the bags we innocently end up holding when we aren’t aware of what the words and thoughts are leaving behind:
- What am I doing wrong? (doubt, self blame and judgement)
- I don’t seem to get it / must be missing something (guilt, self abandonment)
- I must be jinxed (wrong, bad, unlovable)
- Why do things never work out for me (victimhood)
- I must not be meant for success (unloved, unworthy)
- I can’t be trusted (distrust / self betrayal)
As humans, our instinct seeks to blame someone or something when our needs or desires aren’t met and we almost always end up pinning the blame all on ourself or others with no more clarity than we began with ~ blame doesn”t offer a solution and the cycle of bullshittery continues!
Breaking the Cycle
As I launch into a week of self discovery with my people, I felt inspired to offer you a taste of what can help you begin making solid decisions with more ease and clarity in a way that’ll blow your mind.
Whether it’s going to a baby shower or place to go on vacation to accepting a new job or moving house – there will be NO coin tosses involved or spaghetti thrown.
How do I start making clear decisions?
Take time to understand and know your own unique set of values, what they mean for you and how to use them.
And by values I mean “what do you feel to be most important or beneficial” in the moment or for your life as a whole. Values can be words or phrases – as long as it meets the above criteria ~ like Love, Family, Time by myself, Excitement, Learning, Expansion, Solitude, Connection and more…
How to use them:
First, consider them as your FIRST tool to review based on what you want more of in your life in order to feel fulfilled. And that this isn’t a one-and-done approach.
Second, What you value today is different to when you were 15 , 25 or 35, right? Your values will shift and change with your status, geography, culture and life experiences so they are always meant to be held loosely and considered as you continue to grow and learn.
1) When you have a big choice or decision coming up between multiple options simply ask yourself
3) Take a good look and FEEL into which list better represents what you want for you and your life right now? This is where the gut check should really be. Because sometimes at first glance, our gut can actually be our FEAR. So this is a heart and soul check in – does it feel right for you? Does it feel best?
4) When you decide you will have something that will allow you to never regret this decision. Why? Because you made it CONSCIOUSLY. Eyes, heart and logic wide open.
When you make choices with awareness, thoughtfulness and a check in with your personal values the other side affect is that it takes the emotional heat out of deciding. It becomes a matter of practicality in a way and brings forth what I call the WORTH IT factor – where even if things go south, you know (in your bones!) you tested all choices against your values in the moment (based on where you were and what you knew) so of course it was the right choice to make.
Know what this means? NO more REGRETS, DOUBT or DISTRUST in yourself or your ability to make decisions.
Cycle of unconscious bullshittery officially over.
Want more of these gems of clarity?
On Monday, Feb 13th I’m beginning a *free* week self discovery just like the above to discover YOUR unique Values, Impact, Passions and Purpose – if you need more trust and swagger to strut your mojo & mission into the world >> SIGN UP HERE <<.
Here’s to more “Bender” arms in your future… much love in daring x Keri-Anne