Yes, I am blogging. Why?
I am about to make some big changes in my life and the process of writing helps keep me on track and gives me perspective as I work through issues (and I know there are going to be many) by getting thoughts out of my head and onto paper, even if virtual. When I do this, I always end up discovering something more than if I had just milled it around in my head. Writing also dumps the more unproductive thoughts out of my head so I can get some peace and move on.
Do I care if anyone reads this? Yes and no. Part of me really just wants to be able to look back and see progress. Progress will be my ultimate motivator in making these changes and this is a good method for me to monitor it and celebrate milestones along the way. It is also kind of cathartic to lay it all out there (within reason of course) and say, this is me – right now and in progress.
I’m going to share my honest thoughts and perspective which aren’t always going to look pretty and may surprise those of you who know me and think I have my shit together. By the way, I don’t… and don’t really think any of us do. Don’t get me wrong – this isn’t going to be a self-deprecating, “relate to me because I’ve had hard times too” sort of place. I have a ton of gratitude and appreciate all I have but what I’ve recently been willing to admit is that I hold myself back from having a fuller life. A fuller life for ME – not my kids and not my husband. They have their big places in my life but know that we (women) are more likely to care about other peoples needs first and make excuses why we don’t need to be at the top of the list. It just doesn’t feel right to a lot of us. I want to change this. Not because I am a narcissistic person, I simply want to include myself in the top two or three so I can have something for me at the end of the day and to have more to give and share with the others in my list. Hence my need to write it down and exorcise some of the crap I think that keeps me stuck in a place I don’t want to be. This is my starting point. The good, bad and fugly.
So what’s ahead? Lots.
This week I embark on two major steps forward in my effort to grab the reigns of my life and ‘live the hell out of it’, or in other words, to consciously participate in my life by not sitting back and letting my life live me – if that makes sense.
Step 1. Pursue a healthier, LESS FAT body so that I first and foremost feel like a rock star and secondly I can keep up with the three energetic men in my life and even kick their butts if the situation arises … and look good doing it.
Step 2. Begin my journey to become a certified life and business coach.
It all begins for me this Wednesday when I begin E.A.T!, a 10 week nutrition course that intends to teach me how to eat for weight loss and optimal health. Did I mention that in the first class we bare-all… that means measurements, weigh-ins and BEFORE photos…. insert a big loud “Faaaaaaaack!” here. Wednesday should make for a sobering post.
The less humiliating and more exciting of the two steps is happening on Friday when I begin coach training with CTI in Vancouver. I have no idea what to expect and will explain how I got to this decision in later posts. But from what I’ve been told by friends and coaches I’ve had the pleasure of meeting and learning from – – I am headed for an incredible ride and that I was meant to do this.
And yes, I am going to do this while caring for a teething 4 month old and tantrum-perfecting 3 year old. Why not wait until things calm down? Because they won’t. Ever. And I am learning that I talk myself out of things too many times and end up doing nothing. No more excuses.
Luckily, I am also blessed with a husband that has a flexible work schedule as he builds a thriving acupuncture clinic and have the support of family and friends who offered to swoop in and help me get this done. (THANK YOU!!!) The main reason this is happening is because I asked for help and got it. Who knew that worked?!! This is something I’m learning I need to do more.
Until my next post later this week, I will do my best not to eat and drink as if each meal were my last. Kinda like CRAMMING before a test, only with food.
And just so you know – while writing this, my three year old was babysat by Spiderman and his Amazing Friends (thank you Netflix) and my 4 month old literally had poop coming out of every neck, arm and leg hole of his onesie with him and I both needing a Silkwood shower to recover. Here’s hoping I can do this and not completely neglect my kids in the process.
Wish me luck.