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Take The Leap… Or Wait To Be Pushed?

This story is designed to inspire & give courage to anyone who is on the verge, and feeling called, to quit their job in order to pursue something more meaningful. This is part of the Taking the Leap resource, a database full of real-life stories from people who have successfully gone from job dissatisfaction to career emancipation. I never wanted to be an entrepreneur. And I didn’t exactly “leap”. To me, it felt more like a violent shove that had me resisting what was happening most of the way down. I consider it more like waking up in my life to rediscover the core of who I was, and rebuild from there. I read this post recently by Alison Nappi on being pursued by consciousness and I felt such a connection to the process. She writes, I wouldn’t recommend the pursuit of consciousness to anyone. I would not have chosen it for myself. I didn’t. It chose me. If it hasn’t called your number yet, don’t worry. It will, eventually.   In my case, this couldn’t be truer. It reminds me of another gem I heard a few years ago that said the most dangerous place for us to be is unconscious in our own life. This basically speaks to falling asleep at the wheel in your own life (which is what I did in many ways) because in this place, life appears to sideswipe us with unexpected and devastating events that call us forth to transform whether we like it or not. Something Bigger at Play Looking back, I laugh at how it all went down for me. I also cry remembering it too. It was the hardest learning of my life and the most necessary. Like the Universe knew the whole time what was coming and sent me hints and messages throughout my life for me to course-correct, but I didn’t. Me becoming more ‘conscious’ started with a nagging sense of being in the wrong place professionally followed by me complaining about it, knowing from a deep place inside me that I was not exactly fulfilling my full potential. Throughout my life people made comments towards what my unique gifts were and I experienced pivotal moments that suggested how I was meant to shine my light but I would waive them off as compliments, coincidences or wonderful memories that were only there to sweeten this journey called Life. They even showed up as annoyances. My husband, Scott would always respond to my growing complaints about corporate life with “Well, when you go out on your own….” and I’d defensively shriek back at him how I never wanted that for me. That hating ‘ the man’ was his thing.  I liked having ‘the man’ for a boss as well as vacations, benefits and a regular pay cheque! No way in hell I wanted the hassle of running my own show. He seemed to know something that I didn’t apparently. There were a few times I grabbed hold of a few hints and acted on them but would ultimately lose out to inner limiting dialogue that implied I couldn’t, for many reasons… It was too late. I was too old. I don’t know what to do. But how? I was a Mom now. What would people say? I have no idea where to start. I was already so established. It’s too hard to start over. I can’t afford to change now. If I did changed course now, how could I reconcile all the years I apparently“wasted”?   Let’s just say, the storm of...

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An Unexpected Love Song for 2014

I wanted to title this post “Some lessons don’t land the first (or tenth time) around” but who knew that my lack of self care over the holidays would result in me discovering my anthem (and love song) for 2014. The past month had me completely sucked into the cliché of holiday chaos. On several moments I heard myself saying “I’d like to slow down and just take a moment to breathe” or in other words, practicing what I preach. Self love, self care, self anything! But did I? Not really. Whenever I tried to ‘check in’ with me, I felt this sense of anxiousness and frustrated that my peace wasn’t coming fast enough so I didn’t want to stay too long in those quiet places to let whatever was in me come up and out (feelings, thoughts, writing) – so, I rushed myself to just get back to real life and get through it. You’d think I’d see the signs to stop and pay attention but apparently I thought I had it handled. Nope. The price I paid was my peace, feeling ungrounded and not experiencing my life however it was showing up.  My husband (God love him) paid the price of having to watch me melt down a few days before Christmas and then after when the feelings were still lingering, instead of just being with my ‘stuff’ and giving it some time to figure it out, I chose to ignore, get my head down and keep going. What resulted was I felt edgy, more emotional, reactive and definitely less grateful and loving.  As much as I ‘tried’, I struggled to feel present and found myself doing my way through it all because it felt easier (aka more comfortable). By the grace of all things holy, there were ‘peak-a-boo’ moments where I witnessed the magic in my kids faces as they lit up, felt the love exchanged between me and those around me, but before I knew it, the decorations were down and the New Year has come and gone.  Like I said, some lessons take a few times around until they stick. After a very late night ringing in the New Year with our kids, I woke up today from a much needed nap with the John Legend song All of Me playing in my head with a thought that I couldn’t shake and had to write down – It’s how we’re in relationship with our self that creates our reality (our happiness, suffering, joy etc). I pulled this song up on YouTube, listening with this message in mind and the tears fell hard and fast.  In this moment, I found my new perspective and platform for 2014. That it all begins within and to LOVE ME– NO MATTER WHAT. I say these words to my husband and boys all the time but what if I said it to myself and really meant it? What would it be like to love all my “curves and edges” and my “perfect imperfections”, my crazy emotions and thoughts – and to stick by me when things get uncomfortable, be loving and have my back even when I’m acting or feeling like an jerk? What happens when I give my all, to me? “You are my end and my beginning, even when I lose I’m winning.” More tears. This is a song about unconditional love and I’m claiming it for...

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My Journey Out of the Well

This past weekend I completed ‘Balance’, the third of five courses in my training to become a certified life coach. As I’ve been living my life bigger and bigger these days, friends and family ask me what ‘grabbing the reins of my life’ is all about and why I am taking on so much since having my second son, Beau, just 6 months ago. Since that time, I’ve started coach training, a social media revolution in my community, a running / exercise program and began a nutrition class. What I respond with is something along the lines of “I used to live in a well” which obviously gets some confused looks, but in a nutshell I use to be very stuck in my life and I’m learning so many others can relate to this perspective. And seeing as the course I just finished was all about shifting perspective, I came across the original journal entry after my first coaching session with Peter back in February that can explain it better, so here it is “We began our session by having me review several aspects of my life and grade them from zero to 10 on how satisfied I was with each section – my health, marriage, money, physical environment, fun, career, friendships etc. When I looked at the completed diagram I clearly saw how much I limit myself in almost all the aspects and how over the years, created a smaller and smaller life for myself. There are areas I’m more satisfied (5-8) in – my marriage, my home, my family and friends – but anything to do with me like my health, work, fun (what’s that again??) and happiness were practically non-existent (0-2). I saw that my life was very safe, cozy and familiar but on the other I feel jealous of others for having the energy and courage to live much bigger lives doing something they care about who are making an impact on the world. So I openly ask ‘why don’t I allow myself to break free … what am I waiting for? What I heard come out of my mouth was automatic and thoughtless, but profound. I am waiting for someone to see me sitting here and tell me what to do! I’ve never felt so stuck … and intellectually I know that I am the only one who can make a change in my life so why  on earth would I expect someone else to tell me what to do? And then Peter asked me to answer my own question, again… (what am I paying him for?? haha ) and then it even got crazier. I responded Because nobody ever does and nobody ever did ….which was made me burst out laughing because it was a childish thing to say but that was where it was coming from. As I explored this perspective, I realize growing up, the topic of dreaming or even figuring out what I wanted to do was not something I ever learned to talk about. I had loving parents and family but my household had its own priorities and dramas that made for a fairly unpredictable environment – so this makes sense. We had too much other shit going on..haha. I know in my heart and head that we were doing the best we could, all of us. The unpredictability taught me work with what was in front of me...

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