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What To Do When Daring to Suck… really F*cking SUCKS.

What To Do When Daring to Suck… really F*cking SUCKS.

First, let me explain my absence in writing and say #sorryNOTsorry for the length of this post (but much like this process)… it’s a doozy and totally worth it! In June, I returned from my own Daring to Suck adventure from an exclusive (aka highly priced) make-me-or-break-me writing retreat I attended … and since then, I’ve been in hiding. Or should I say… in healing. Me not sharing publicly about what happened caused a level of inner conflict and paralysis I haven’t felt since I first got pushed off the ledge of my “practical” life 7 years ago. I told myself I conveniently needed time to “process” it all but days turned into weeks and now MONTHS. I’m finally calling bullshit and speaking my truth. Why has it taken me so long? I guess like many of us, I believed my “truth” would hurt or harm people I truly care about. It wasn’t their intention for me to experience what I did so I thought it was good enough to express privately with my inner circle. But how am I serving the world if I leave the SUCK out from Daring to Suck? My mojo is rooted in shining light through the dark and not running away from it – so here is what happened. I went into the retreat wanting to be ALL IN and in true Daring To Suck style, I put my heart, soul and money on the table in the hopes it (“I”) would be received, seen, and celebrated towards my goal.  A part of me wanted to be lifted up like Simba from the Lion King for all to behold! And I don’t hold this against me or think it’s wrong to want to be embraced. I think we all deserve to experience this level of acknowledgement for the incredible and unique beings we are. Let’s just say, the first part totally happened. I was bold, emotional, passionate and enthusiastic about my hearts cause. I spoke about starting a Daring to Suck Revolution of Empathetic Badasses – encouraging open hearts to move forward with a greater understanding of their emotions, empowered with the wisdom our hearts bring to lead the change the world needs. How to live openly and daringly, without armour. To trust the strength and leadership in vulnerable authenticity. To be bold and BE who they are, DO what they were born to do and FEEL their way through life with the intellect playing a much needed support role. I shared the most intimate and emotional writing I’ve ever written and laid it all out on the line. It came out BIG and EMOTIONAL. As it should have (I’m channeling some serious shit) and it felt so good to share it without holding back anymore. Ooohhh I went for it. Bigtime. So… was I held up and Simba’d? No. At least it didn’t feel (or look) like it. What immediately followed my emotional unload was a logical discussion to make sense of what I shared. With tears still wet on my cheeks, my heart became a project to be figured out and left feeling like the awkward “fart” in the room that nobody wanted to address. And in this, I was left isolated, confused, disconnected, alone, rejected and worst of all… feeling misunderstood. I was asked to come back to the table with more stories, something different, more sellable or marketable. I was asked to “dance” and deliver. Sweet jesus, just remembering this makes me prickly…   Because it SUCKED. Like really really...

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How To Survive, Navigate and Master Difficult Emotions: 10 Ways To Gain Control When They Take You Out!

      We’ve all been there. LIFE happens and we are taken out at the knees. Drowning in a sea of hurt feelings, confusion, loss of control, sadness or grief – to name a few. Without awareness or tools, we can swirl in turbulence for longer than we need to, feeling frustrated with no resolution, no clarity and feeling like we are going around in circles. In sharing my own experiences of emotional tidal waves,  I also offer Ten Empowering Lessons and Insights  to gain new perspective and understanding in how we can use our emotions as powerful opportunities for learning, personal growth and freedom. People often ask me “How are you so comfortable expressing your emotions?” (or why is it so easy for me) and the truth is it is NEVER easy. The one things I have that they may not is a faith that feeling my emotions is worth it. I, like many people, use to see emotions as inconvenient, unpredictable, messy, weak-looking and hurtful. I would avoid the ‘bad’ ones at any cost. Now, however, I know my emotions serve to free me in my life. Through full expression and release. Emotions show up to facilitate deep healing if I allow them too. Sound simple? It is. And it’s the hardest, most rewarding work we will ever do in this life. The Time Life (and Death) Took Me Out In the spring of 2008 and newly married, my husband and I learned we were expecting our first baby. Me, being a mother and nurturer to friends and family my whole life, was caught off guard by how scared I was at learning the news. I remember seeing the positive pee test sitting on the ledge of the tub, knees up to my chest, staring shellshocked at the dripping tap. The water cold and feeling like I was having an out of body experience watching my husband burst into joyful tears and laughter at the news. He was me. And I was… terrified and baffled at my response. Why am I so confused, I wondered. Where was the immediate joy? The happiness? As time went on with some education about my new experience and patient support, I slowly began to relax into motherhood and eventually embraced it to the point of finally feeling excitement and wanting to plan. We waited the standard “safe zone” of 3 months and told our friends and family which was a celebration I will never forget. This was where the joy was! I was elated and ready for all of it. The following morning I woke up to cramps, bleeding and realized I was miscarrying. I struggle to articulate the physical and emotional chaos that transpired over the hours and days that followed.  However, a flash of words and scenes play out in my mind… rug pulled out from under, a kick in the stomach, complete terror at what I was experiencing, raw survival, cruel awareness, bitter confusion, anger,  answerless questions, the intimacy of shared pain and unpredictable tears that felt they would never end. I lost total control — of my body, emotions, mind and my spirit. Up was down. Left was right. Woven within this chaos, a thread existed that I clung to. It suggested in whispers that I would survive and could get through this… eventually. On one particularly angry day, I called a friend who allowed me to share the conflicting emotions I was struggling with – one day feeling strong and ‘okay’ and the...

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