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Daring to Self Connect #100DaySelfConnection Experiment

Daring to Self Connect #100DaySelfConnection Experiment

Today I went LIVE to talk about the power of Self Connection. For some context, the FIRST step in Daring to Suck in our life/work/business is when we Dare to TUNE IN. When we slow the hell down and intentionally listen to what our heart, soul, spirit and life is telling us. In a world that is hardwired to DO, Get Results and be BUSY, this concept is downright uncomfortable to consider and a shocking jolt to the system. Three years ago it took me hiring my own coach to help facilitate this tender process out of fear of what I would find. I hopped on Periscope for the first time today to talk about an experiment in self connection where I am sitting in stillness, silence and meditation for 100 days to reconnect to myself in a deeper, more meaningful way. I’ve never really been a meditator so to sit for ONE HOUR is completely foreign and something I’ve never done. Until now. I am currently on DAY 3 and what I’m learning and experiencing is fascinating. If this is something you may want to try, here is the replay that explains me, my work and why this experiment of self connection is crucial in the journey of transformation. This is me on Day 3: Why am I doing this?  I’ve been watching Kyle Cease introduce this experiment, and he is sitting for 2 HOURS everyday for 100 days (he is roughly 19 days in) and could not help but be hooked and intrigued by what he is experiencing. And one thing I tell my own clients is that whenever you feel compelled, intrigued, drawn into or interested in something… follow it! So that’s what I’m doing. Here is how you can follow along… First, Sign up on Periscope and follow me @DaringtoSuck (attached to my Twitter account) to be alerted on future scopes on what I’m learning and discovering. Second, I will be sharing replays of my experience in my Facebook Group, Empathetic Badasses (click here to join!) not necessarily DAILY but frequently as I feel inspired. Who knows WHAT I will encounter over the next 3+ months but if you are at all “hooked” join and share what YOU are learning in the Facebook Group as you will be met with loving badassery at all angles. To living fully expressed, connected and daringly open-hearted! Keri-Anne...

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What To Do When Daring to Suck… really F*cking SUCKS.

What To Do When Daring to Suck… really F*cking SUCKS.

First, let me explain my absence in writing and say #sorryNOTsorry for the length of this post (but much like this process)… it’s a doozy and totally worth it! In June, I returned from my own Daring to Suck adventure from an exclusive (aka highly priced) make-me-or-break-me writing retreat I attended … and since then, I’ve been in hiding. Or should I say… in healing. Me not sharing publicly about what happened caused a level of inner conflict and paralysis I haven’t felt since I first got pushed off the ledge of my “practical” life 7 years ago. I told myself I conveniently needed time to “process” it all but days turned into weeks and now MONTHS. I’m finally calling bullshit and speaking my truth. Why has it taken me so long? I guess like many of us, I believed my “truth” would hurt or harm people I truly care about. It wasn’t their intention for me to experience what I did so I thought it was good enough to express privately with my inner circle. But how am I serving the world if I leave the SUCK out from Daring to Suck? My mojo is rooted in shining light through the dark and not running away from it – so here is what happened. I went into the retreat wanting to be ALL IN and in true Daring To Suck style, I put my heart, soul and money on the table in the hopes it (“I”) would be received, seen, and celebrated towards my goal.  A part of me wanted to be lifted up like Simba from the Lion King for all to behold! And I don’t hold this against me or think it’s wrong to want to be embraced. I think we all deserve to experience this level of acknowledgement for the incredible and unique beings we are. Let’s just say, the first part totally happened. I was bold, emotional, passionate and enthusiastic about my hearts cause. I spoke about starting a Daring to Suck Revolution of Empathetic Badasses – encouraging open hearts to move forward with a greater understanding of their emotions, empowered with the wisdom our hearts bring to lead the change the world needs. How to live openly and daringly, without armour. To trust the strength and leadership in vulnerable authenticity. To be bold and BE who they are, DO what they were born to do and FEEL their way through life with the intellect playing a much needed support role. I shared the most intimate and emotional writing I’ve ever written and laid it all out on the line. It came out BIG and EMOTIONAL. As it should have (I’m channeling some serious shit) and it felt so good to share it without holding back anymore. Ooohhh I went for it. Bigtime. So… was I held up and Simba’d? No. At least it didn’t feel (or look) like it. What immediately followed my emotional unload was a logical discussion to make sense of what I shared. With tears still wet on my cheeks, my heart became a project to be figured out and left feeling like the awkward “fart” in the room that nobody wanted to address. And in this, I was left isolated, confused, disconnected, alone, rejected and worst of all… feeling misunderstood. I was asked to come back to the table with more stories, something different, more sellable or marketable. I was asked to “dance” and deliver. Sweet jesus, just remembering this makes me prickly…   Because it SUCKED. Like really really...

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The Gifts of Giving and Receiving (Day 24 & 25) #25DaysOfPresence

The Gifts of Giving and Receiving (Day 24 & 25) #25DaysOfPresence

My hope for #25DaysOfPresence was to attempt being more present and share the gifts of presence as I went. I saw what I needed to see and felt what needed to be feel. I’ve done and undone. I’ve course-corrected when I slowed down during the busiest time of the year in a completely different way. And I thank you for coming along for the ride. Today, I received a gift this morning via an email from a friend who shared a story of seeing the portrait child prodigy Akaine painted of Jesus (featured in the book and movie Heaven is For Real). I saw the movie and remembered it clearly. It reminded me of the original and true story of Christmas about people coming together to celebrate and give whatever they had – out of the spirit of giving. And their gifts were fully received and rejoiced. They were truly grateful. In thinking about the simplicity of this, something opened up in me and a rush of emotion had me sobbing amongst my wrapping paper and ribbons. Not tears of sadness or melancholy. Of love. The love that happens when we slow down and receive the gifts all around us – not just in the packages we open. Thus, I was inspired to write… First, on Gifts. This year I’ve received many gifts and now see how they can take many forms, so pay attention. The more present and aware you are, the more you find. First, there are the obvious gifts you open and appreciate. There are also gifts in written and spoken words that touch your heart or wake you up, get your attention and point you in a new direction that feels right. There are gifts of experiences and gestures that tell you someone sees you and that you matter. Gifts can even show up in fights, disagreements and ‘life-is-happening-to-me’ moments that can be opportunities to clear the air and begin again, stronger and clearer. On Giving. There are so many gifts we are waiting to receive from others outside ourselves.  Something to help us feel seen, to feel better or change our situation. In the past, when I waited to receive this from others, my life stood still, stuck unconsciously asking, Do you even see me over here? Do you know what it’s like for me? Do you even care? Beuller? We never think to give the gift of being seen and acknowledgement to ourselves, FROM ourselves. This is one of the greatest ways we can receive. I never realized that I was the very person I needed to be seen and loved by. Turns out this is the best gift I’ve ever received is my own loving attention. To celebrate, document and acknowledge the things I’ve achieved, moments I’ve learned and ways I’ve changed for the better. As the year comes to a close, I’m asking you to take a moment and find as many things as you can to celebrate, acknowledge and give yourself credit for. Whether you do this silently or write it down in literal love letter to yourself. Simply let yourself know, Hey, you did that thing. I saw it all. And you are amazing. In line with this, in the book A New Earth, Eckhart Tolle suggests that whatever we are missing or wanting in our life – give it to others. Give without without expectation, attachment or obligation. That this has the power...

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The Four Agreements #4: Always Do Your Best, End of Story. Literally. (Day 16) #25DaysOfPresence

The Four Agreements #4: Always Do Your Best, End of Story. Literally. (Day 16) #25DaysOfPresence

  Doing our best is about taking action, doing what we love and feels good because it makes us happy. When we do things  because we want to, not because we have to.   It’s creating and enjoying the process, setting a goal and going for it without any attachment to attaining it. This is when you dare to act on or express that something inside you – a want, need, desire or impulse and allow it to emerge in whatever shape or form it chooses. It could be writing, baking, music, dancing, designing, arranging, building or dreaming and more. When you give yourself credit for doing your best it’s beyond empowering. The cynics out there might say this agreement sounds ‘convenient’ or an easy way out and yes, this is another perspective that is possible but it reeks of judgement, expectations and pressure from the storyteller in their head.  If we concede to this argument then the path taken feels locked down by living for the pleasing of others, or maintaining the status quo. We cannot be responsible for how other people interpret our behaviour. I believe we are responsible for being truthful with ourselves, first and foremost. For example, where the hell have I been for three days? Not here, that’s for sure. I’ve been doing my best. 🙂 (and NO I didn’t time the absence just for this post – call it Divine Timing..LOL) My original goal was to write a little something everyday and truth be told, I was THRILLED to hit 13 days in a row. It felt great to create and write everyday and it was also a lot to keep up with. By the time Saturday arrived, my best involved having the kids on my own, a visit from my Dad, a family Christmas party, a day trip to Vancouver Island, followed by a full day of clients and biz development with a night of meaningful connections at a Crave Event in Vancouver. It’s fair to say that with all this goodness going on, my best intentions vanished into thin air. And I was okay with it. Okay – not totally true. There was a moment where a pang of “I should” showed up and then I saw I was truly, doing my best and let it go. I don’t like to do internal battles anymore if I can help it. In practicing being impeccable with my word, not taking things personally, not making assumptions and doing my best – it becomes increasingly easier to pinpoint what the truth is vs. a bunch of old lies I no longer want to engage in. I was enjoying the reasons I didn’t have time to write so when the question became,“Do I really want to ruin this good feeling by staying up until 3AM every night and exhaust myself to make sure I have something posted?” I responded with ‘I make the rules and I say, no thanks.’ It was easy because I knew I was doing my best with the time and energy I had. Nuff said. End of story. When you know you’ve done all you could based on how you felt, what you had to work with and the varying life circumstances, the standard of ‘your best’ fluctuates if you allow it to have flexibility outside of a rigid measuring stick. If we are the designers of our own experience, why wouldn’t we make it feel better for ourselves? Over the last few weeks, I’ve also cancelled on a few holiday & birthday parties I committed to because going would have felt like a complete stretch to me mentally and physically. By the time...

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The Four Agreements #3: How ONE Agreement Can Transform Your Life. (Day 12) #25DaysOfPresence

The Four Agreements #3: How ONE Agreement Can Transform Your Life. (Day 12) #25DaysOfPresence

It’s an oldie but a gooder… When we ASSUME, we make an “ASS out of U and ME” and that is why THIS is one of the biggest tickets to personal freedom…     When the storyteller in our head makes up a story, we believe it and then fail to ask questions that might shed light on the truth. Most of our disagreements and life friction stem from making up these assumptions. We assume they won’t want to help us, so we don’t ask. We assume the tone they are speaking in means they are angry at us so we shut down. We assume we aren’t good enough so we don’t try for different. It’s one big guessing game.   Whether it’s about the story we tell about ourself or the one we interpret from others – it all leads to mess in our life. Miscommunication, misunderstandings and nobody being heard or speaking up. All because we assume. We create so many problems for ourselves and others because we are unwilling to ask questions to clear up these assumptions and then them personally and believe them as truth. How many times have you seen this Shakespearian Gong Show play out in your life? The mind hates not to “know” so it takes the surface information it has to work with, keeps the mouth shut and fills in the gaps based on an stories and experience in our past which we then apply to the future of what “it” all means or we guess on how its going to go. This on some level helps us feel safe and that all is predictable. And so the cycle of lies and miscommunication continues. The way out of this mess is through practicing awareness. To pay attention to the story and be willing to see life as it is and not the way you want it to be (to justify what you already believe). When you are willing to see that the voice in your head is always telling a story, you can begin to question the story and notice if it’s based on truth or assumptions. If you notice an assumption you can ask whoever you are interpreting the information from to see if it’s true or not.  In this place, you no longer try to put things into words as much or to explain anything to yourself and this keeps you from making assumptions. When you only use the word to communicate with others and ask questions for clarity (knowing that what you are saying is just a point of view based on what you believe), you take responsibility for your communication. For example, when I begin coaching a new client, we start by designing our relationship agreement where each person shares what they need to be successful. Within it, I have what I call my “Big Girl/Boy Pants Rule” meaning, I expect that we say what we mean and mean what we say. No drama. No apologies. No worries.We speak up when we need something or want to make a change in our agreement. We tell the truth and let each other know when or if we do or say something that offends or goes to far, and more. The clarity is such a relief for both parties. You mean we don’t have to figure what you REALLY mean in the background? Imagine if we all just spoke our truth, expressed our real feelings and just believed what we said and heard it for what it...

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The Four Agreements: For Clarity & Cleaning Up The Confusion (Day10) #25DaysOfPresence

The Four Agreements: For Clarity & Cleaning Up The Confusion (Day10) #25DaysOfPresence

  There are some books that have the power to transform and impact our life in a dramatic way. Today in me sharing my quest for more presence, I want to summarize one of the most influential (and easy to read) books, The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. In it, shamanic teacher and healer, Don Miguel Ruiz exposes self-limiting beliefs and presents a simple and effective “code of personal conduct” learned from his Toltec ancestors. It’s simplicity appealed to me because my life at the time felt complicated and confusing. It was messy. Reading his clear approach helped me identify and start practicing new ways of seeing the truth and not believing in the lies I had been telling myself for years. These lies field the behaviours, habits and stories that kept me stuck for so long. They are Four Agreements to make with ourself, and they are: Be impeccable with your word. Don’t take anything personally. Don’t make assumptions; and Always do your best. In the next few days I will present each agreement one-by-one  (today is Agreement #1) followed by a brief summary underneath. Enjoy! To Be Impeccable With Our Words   Our words are powerful. The ones we speak, the ones we DON’T speak. The words we use against ourselves, others and our life situations. Being impeccable with our word is considered the SUPREME agreement and the essential goal as it is supported by the following three as the practice that makes the master. Paying attention to the words I used inside my head and the ones I spewed out of my mouth helped me identify where I was outside of integrity with myself. I heard the storyteller inside my head, the one who felt powerful when she gossiped (if only for a brief moment). It was through her, that I took everything personally and made a lot of assumptions to fill in the gaps of what I didn’t really know. It was my story and words that held me back, made me fail to to my best because the story I told had me paralyzed in self doubt and fear. In practicing this agreement, I began to clean up the talk I spoke about myself, to myself and about others and life around me. It was my stories that created the drama, emotional reaction, had me make assumptions and put me in a cycle of feeling emotionally out of control. This was the core of all my issues. I learned that the words I use and think create my experience. They are powerful. Everytime we speak, our words become energy through sound that land on another and if the word we speak is gossipy shit, that mess gets potentially absorbed through those we interact with. Like spreading poison. How do you know when you are using your words impeccably? You feel happy, good about yourself, comfortable and you feel love. How do you know when you are using your words against yourself? You feel suffering on some level – discomfort, anger, jealousy, sadness – the result of believing in knowledge contaminated with lies. When we clean our word up, we can experience what it feels like to be more ourselves and in alignment to what feels right and true for us.   It’s our truth that will transform our story.   Tomorrow, I’ll review Agreement #2 (and one of my personal favourites) … DON’T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY! Woo Hoo!!   Keri-Anne Livingstone is...

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