It’s an oldie but a gooder…
When we ASSUME, we make an “ASS out of U and ME” and that is why THIS is one of the biggest tickets to personal freedom…
When the storyteller in our head makes up a story, we believe it and then fail to ask questions that might shed light on the truth. Most of our disagreements and life friction stem from making up these assumptions.
We assume they won’t want to help us, so we don’t ask. We assume the tone they are speaking in means they are angry at us so we shut down. We assume we aren’t good enough so we don’t try for different. It’s one big guessing game.
Whether it’s about the story we tell about ourself or the one we interpret from others – it all leads to mess in our life. Miscommunication, misunderstandings and nobody being heard or speaking up. All because we assume.
We create so many problems for ourselves and others because we are unwilling to ask questions to clear up these assumptions and then them personally and believe them as truth.
How many times have you seen this Shakespearian Gong Show play out in your life?
The mind hates not to “know” so it takes the surface information it has to work with, keeps the mouth shut and fills in the gaps based on an stories and experience in our past which we then apply to the future of what “it” all means or we guess on how its going to go. This on some level helps us feel safe and that all is predictable. And so the cycle of lies and miscommunication continues.
The way out of this mess is through practicing awareness. To pay attention to the story and be willing to see life as it is and not the way you want it to be (to justify what you already believe). When you are willing to see that the voice in your head is always telling a story, you can begin to question the story and notice if it’s based on truth or assumptions. If you notice an assumption you can ask whoever you are interpreting the information from to see if it’s true or not.
In this place, you no longer try to put things into words as much or to explain anything to yourself and this keeps you from making assumptions. When you only use the word to communicate with others and ask questions for clarity (knowing that what you are saying is just a point of view based on what you believe), you take responsibility for your communication.
For example, when I begin coaching a new client, we start by designing our relationship agreement where each person shares what they need to be successful. Within it, I have what I call my “Big Girl/Boy Pants Rule” meaning, I expect that we say what we mean and mean what we say. No drama. No apologies. No worries.We speak up when we need something or want to make a change in our agreement. We tell the truth and let each other know when or if we do or say something that offends or goes to far, and more.
The clarity is such a relief for both parties.
You mean we don’t have to figure what you REALLY mean in the background?
Imagine if we all just spoke our truth, expressed our real feelings and just believed what we said and heard it for what it is? The funny thing is that even when I’ve told someone my truth, they are hesitant to believe it and choose to continue with their assumption because on some level I can see how it makes them more comfortable to continue the story.
This leads me into how we can create more conscious relationships with those in our life where assumptions run rampant.
I will cover more on this next week – and similar to what I agree upon with my clients – this practice is an awesome tool that can clean a lot of this crap up. More ‘awareness’ around this to come.
Until tomorrow when I share the fourth and final agreement, to Always Do Our Best… brilliant.